Last week, I made some big decisions in regards to my schooling. I am taking a break to focus on some other things and part of wonders if I have even made any progress in the last year? Last year I made a similar decision and school was placed on hold i made grand plans to resolve the issues and then the time flew by and I couldn't do it. I didn't do the work, so what makes me think that I can do the work this time?
I have to give myself credit though I was suffering from a broken heart after Dane left. I had to erase plans we had made, plans he probably wouldn't even remember making. I am aware now that I am the kind of person that if you give my 1 mm of hope I will turn it into 10 cm. Maybe I should say that differently. I am the kind of person who only needs 1 mm of hope when most people would need 10 cm.
I am feeling disappointed in myself because I didn't do the work last time and I wasn't aware of how much that has hurt me until now. However I have made progress already I have made appointments. I have done some research. This time I also have someone who I didn't have last time. I have an accountability partner who is really good at keeping me motivated. Who helps me celebrate even the smallest progress. What someone else who see as nothing she sees it as I see it as something worthy of a small happy dance.
Emotional work and self discovery are similar to my car. My car breaks down and because I frequently travel the same roads it is not a bazaar event if my car were to break down on the same road or even in the same spot. Well emotionally I have broken down in the same spot that I was last year. Though I am in the same spot it is not the same problem and that is what makes all the difference.
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